New Me

Looking back on all of my posts and this year has really been an up-hill struggle for me.  Writing about my problems with anxiety and depressing to being in an FC where people reminded me how some English speakers can be real assholes.

But despite all of that. Things are finally working out and I have to admit, that this is the happiest I have ever been in a long time. Its all down to the amazing new people that I have met this year, although really its the people I’ve met since the summer both in-game and in real life.

FC and LS

After joining an LS with really kind people, I have felt really welcomed and included in activities. For example: LS and FC events, to go to dungeons, trials and raids together. Its been really fun going places with other members. Of course, I still need to work on my Japanese so I can communicate with the members more and not miss my chance to reply because it took me too long to find the right thing to say. I should probably start to write more blog entries in Japanese to help me practice. Hopefully I will get to work on that soon.

Also, I was invited to join a friends FC while I was having trouble looking for one to join because I was unsure if they would let a foreigner join. But since I joined, everyone has been really kind and we have gone places as an FC a few times, which was really fun.


Since this was released, I joined the Mana English fellowship and was invited to join the LS and discord channel. its great to meet so many other English speakers on the server. Although I admit its hard to keep up with all of the conversations most of the time. But I am looking forward to going places with the members in the future. Being able to ask questions in English and have other people understand me will be sooooo helpful.

It would be awesome to have a group that works on Savages together. Fingers crossed it will actually happen. I really would like to try it with a full party of English speakers.

In Real Life

This is the biggest change of all. There has been a big development in my real life. There really has been a huge change in my moods recently. Remember I talked about dealing with Anxiety and depression, well recently I have been feeling this less and less. Its the opposite, which is the best. I have really happy recently and my self-confidence has been boosted. I have been posting some messages on twitter on how my mood has changed for the better. I only hope that I don’t stuff things up, but its all going well so far. I started working out a lot more since the summer to only make me feel better about myself, but because I also want to be the best version of me.

I have been some through some horrible relationships in the past, chosen the worst guys to date and they have mentally scarred me. Even my last boyfriend was horrible, constantly calling me fat and always speaking down to me, treating me like a child. So I spend the past few years doing what I enjoyed. Even if it gave me an opportunity to play as much FFXIV as I liked and have no-one judge me. I guess it was my way of finding myself and building myself back up.

Then since the summer, a lot of things have changed. One small improvement is that I have started to do Yoga and Pilates more often. Although its little by little, I am becoming more confident in my own skin. I also have the perfect goal, as I was told back in July that I have an irregular heart beat. So for the sake of hopefully not ending up in the worst case scenario, I need to get my health in check. I have been sure not too do anything too strenuous because of heart. So I am taking things slow for now.

In September, I started a Character design course online and I have been getting positive feedback for my work so far, so that’s definitely a confidence boost in my artistic skills. Who knows, if I decide to pursue a different career, it could be in art as its one of my favourite hobbies. I know I did try to start a small 4-panel comic at the start of the year. But I got so busy with work that it was pushed to one side until I can get my head around things.

Saving the best till last, I have started seeing someone. Someone whom I have connected with on so many levels that it could be the start of something amazing. I am not going to go into any details. So just know that is different than relationship I have had in the past. Everything feels so comfortable and right. Although nothing is official yet, it could well be soon enough. So fingers crossed everything works out.


Even though the year started off horribly and really tested me. Yet, it helps knock me back to my senses and I have never felt this much happiness before. Finally getting better with my drawing skills, being healthier, exercising more and a new relationship. This year really is going to end on a high and I can’t wait to see what 2020 has in store for me. All that I know so far, is that its looking to be better than this year.

Its probably a little premature to be talking next year already, with Christmas only just creeping up. But its because I get to actually celebrate the Holidays this year, that I know that next year will be so much better and I have something to look forward to. I might start getting busier in RL, so I know that I might end up cutting down on playtime, but I don’t think I will stop playing FFXIV any time soon. Its too much fun when I get to go places with people and try to practice my Japanese, that I could never stop playing all together.

I just thought that now would be a good time to write about all this before getting sucked into the holiday spirit and start going crazy about Christmas. I do hope to write more posts soon, I know I haven’t even written about Patch 5.1 since its release, I have just been manically running the new raid trying to get loot and the Pod minions ROFL, so please watch out for my next post.



Lack of Motivation

I am so sorry for not posting a lot recently.  I have seriously lacked motivation to play FFXIV recently. Its not because I have run out of things to do. No, its far from that,I have so much to do. Its just that levelling up all the jobs is becoming a repetitive form of torture. I know that with the current event, levelling up classes while going to PvP is a good idea. Its still annoying when you have to wait ages. Even doing roulettes has become this cruel long queue. I can understand how everyone wants to go to PvP to get the Garo gear before 5.1, but its still annoying.

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This is going to be a rather negative post because there are something I need to write down before I start derailing. These are my true thoughts and feelings and people don’t like what I say, then there is a good reason why we are not friends (now or if ever at all).

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