I never thought I would talking about this again, but there are a few things that I need to let out. Even after a long time of not posting anything, this wasn’t the topic on the top of my list to use, I promise!
With all the stuff that has been happening lately, life hasn’t really been that easy. Okay, so it’s been fun playing FFXIV whenever I want and not having to deal with other people unless in-game has been perfect.
But if there is one thing that I really wish I could fight about, it would be the government’s way of handling all of this. I read somewhere that ‘Japan was successful in containing the virus’… How is it successful when so many people caught the virus and the death rolls kept rising? How is that contained?? How is that a success??
I feel like Japan is more worried about it’s own economy than the people. For example, in my city, today was the first day where all students are back to school. After only having just 1 week of splitting each class into A and B groups, and having only 1 year group in each day. It’s way too soon to put students, our future into the dangers zone. The government said we would do things gradually… How is 1 week gradual?? It’s just throwing us into the water and hope for the best.
It doesn’t help that at the end of last week, an Elementary school in the next city has 5 students who tested positive for the second wave of the virus. It only took a few days for things to escalate this quickly. There wasn’t any precautions taken really. So I am really anxious about that as a teacher of a JHS in a large city. The commute to work is horrible because social distancing isn’t been insured. People keep sitting next to each other and not standing a part. I know there is not much to be done about that, but still… It’s like most people don’t seem to care because the government has been too relaxed about the situation and making it seem like it’s noting to worry about, they will just advise you instead.
Now, I know I can’t control how others react to certain things I say or do, but that means it can play a big part on my own mood afterwards.
For example, today I was confused and had a mini panic attack about being late to work after being woken up from falling asleep on the sofa by the doorbell. Now, some people close to me found it hilarious. This kind of flipped a switch inside of me. As someone who has only ever been late to work once in her life and had a massive moment of panic that I even messaged my parents in the UK. The difference this time is that I have a long commute to work in the mornings, so panicking about waking up over an hour late is a big deal. My heart was pounding and I was worrying about how the hell I would make it to work in time. It took a while for it to sink in that it’s still the evening.
It felt like such a big deal to me was just a joke to others. This is one of the reasons why I don’t talk to others about my problems. If I start panicking about something or get upset, then others will just see it as a joke and they fail to see things from my point of view. So I gave up on that idea a long time ago. No-one really understands or at least tries to, so I won’t waste my breath and I will be even more cautious about what I say to others. I do find writing my thoughts down helps, well if you haven’t noticed by now. But I do also keep a personal journal where I am able to write everything down and take time to think about things. It has helped me a lot but I know I need to find ways to keep my anxiety and emotions in check.
As I am more on edge recently and with the move to a new city, which wasn’t the best timing, everything seems to have been creeping up on me. I know that it’s not good to push things to one side, but having to keep dealing with new things has made it so easy to do just that.
In addition, being closer to my boyfriend has also made me anxious at times. Wondering about the differences in cultures, if there are communication issues and if things are going well. It’s all constantly on a loop in my head and I try not to let the things that are different in our cultures let me down. Especially when it comes showing affection. In the UK, people are open to showing affection in public as well as being affectionate at home. Yet in Japan, most affection is only shown behind closed doors. You rarely see people holding hands, though it’s more than what it use to, and you never see people kiss in public. So it takes a while to adjust to what your partner is use to and what you are use to too. It’s still early days and we are still getting use to one another. So, again, I just need to be sure to keep everything in check.
I think that’s all for now, before I starting talking about something completely random.