Depression

Warning, this post may contain sensitive material, if don’t want to read about negative thoughts, then please do not read this post.

Back-story

For any one who has had depression or is currently depressed, it’s probably one of thin-sidee worst feelings to have. Life can throw so much at as and we just happen to break down and feel overwhelmed by what is happening around us.

I know I have previously made a post about anxiety, which can sometimes play a big part of being depression. I am not a psychologist or therapist, so I won’t go spouting that I know everything there is to know. This is purely about my own personal thoughts, feelings etc.


Reasons

Depression can be cause by so many things and especially by other people. And when it comes to MMO’s there will be always be someone who will knowingly or unknowingly cause someone to be depressed. But I think thats because people online are unaware that they still have to mindful of other people’s thoughts. However, I know there are spiteful people out there who just don’t care about other people’s feelings.

It’s always a shame when there are some really harsh people online. Some people wish to only try to enjoy the game but they can’t when it comes to in-game bullying. Bullying is one of the worst things people can do and as someone who has lived in Japan for a while, it’s something I wish I could prevent but lack the communicational skills to help the situation.

Yet, when it comes to on-line bullying, there are instances where the easiest thing to do is log off, but this is the worst thing to do. As someone who has done this, I haven’t been able to get closure because taking the easiest way out is not the best way out.


Toxic Players

Before I wrote about how some people had treated me so poorly that I cracked. So let’s look at how toxic players are bad for the online community.

Toxic players are those kind of people who treat other people badly in every interaction without understanding how they are making the other person feel.

In my experience of being in an FC, there was such a person, but the worst part about it they are the master of the FC. They have no idea that the way they talk is so harsh that I am not surprised that people have left the FC because of their attitude. When there is someone in such a high position with bad communication skills then surely sooner or later karma is gonna bite them in the ass. To make it worse, is that there are people who know that said person is bad at communicating but don’t tell the person that they are in the wrong.

If the Master treats their members so badly then the FC won’t last. But I have learnt from this experience. I have removed the player from my friends list. And hope I never have to interact with such a person ever again. I don’t care if English is not their first language, politeness always goes a long way. That’s probably why I have tried to use keigo when typing in Japanese recently. I hope I didn’t offend anyone when I was using formal speech.


Effects

Now depression can have longer lasting effects than most realise. Even if it’s something small, it can still cut deeper than most think. As someone who was forced out of an FC because the master didn’t like one comment I said to a member. Rather than just talk to me about it and ask why I said it. They took the bullying route instead. The master an friends ignored me for a month and when I asked why I got the feeling I was being ingored. The person called me passive aggressive. Yet didn’t want to sort out the situation like an adult but took the childish route and reverted to bullying.

On-line bullying has been around for so many years so it comes as no surprise that it’s still around today and it won’t be going away because is so much easier for bullies to hide behind a monitor. They don’t see the bigger picture and the effects their words have on other people.

Also people don’t know how to handle bullying either. Most will just say ‘take it else where’ or ‘if this is a private matter take it to a private chat’. That’s not how you stop bullying that’s encouraging it or s weeping it under the rug. These people are almost as worse as the bullies.

Just because they said something one time doesn’t mean it can brushed off. If anything, words cut deeper than any knife. I know that beening careful with words is not always easy, but when something is randomly said after expressing how things have been making you feel, those following words are the most important of all.

For people who suffer from anxiety in any form, words can be 1000 times more painful because they are forever sticking in their mind. The loop of spiteful words will forever plague them. I have been through a lot because of what people have said about me. But not every is strong enough to take it on the chin. I have been told I was shit at my last job by my manager. That my promotion to supervisor was a mistake and my pay raise was also a mistake. How can someone with anxiety deal with that?? I did the only things I could think of. I stopped doing extra shifts and I booked an appointment to see my doctor. My doctor was not much help. She just said I was an easy target, even though I was almost in tears and feeling vulenrable. But at least she booked me an appointment with someone from the mental health clinic and I got the help I needed.

However, it’s not always that easy, especially if you are an expat living in a different country. The language barrier for one is the massive problem. So this time around, I tried to remember what we talked about in my sessions and what helped me through it all. For me thats art. So a few weeks ago I started an only Character design drawing course. I want to be better at drawing characters and thought I would be killing two birds with one stone. So far it going ok.


Moving on

For the person who is depressed, moving on is probably the hardest thing because they are constantly being plagued by the experiences they have had. If they also have anxiety, then the raging war inside their head is getting worse.

But should this mean you should let the bullies stop you from playing the MMO?? Nope!!

Although this maybe one of the toughest things to do, try your best one step at a time. During all the stuff that has happened recently, its amazing how you find that one little nudge can put you in the right direction. I have met some great kind Japanese people who have been very supportive and although they may not know well, they still include in things.


My small steps

Now Rome wasn’t built in a day. It takes time to put pieces back together. Just go at the speed you are comfortable with. Find something else to do for a while. Even if it means you don’t play the MMO for a while. Taking a break from it is healthy too. You can always start to log in for short periods of time if you wat to continue to play.

For me, I have chosen to continue to play because I refuse to let a small group of people ruin the game for me. Even though I say that, I do get anxious when I am in the same area as them. But I try to be stubborn and stay there for as long as I can. However, I am still fighting the urge to leave instantly like a coward. But I want to be stronger and prove that I am better than them.


Encourgement

So even if you have a bad experience when playing an MMO, try not to let it ruin the game. But at the same time, remember that your feelings are more important! You are important! And you should do what you want to do.

Good luck, and stay strong!!

Love you xxx

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